The battle for my independence

In college, my friends wanted to make a rush t-shirt that said "Sigma Pi: Resisting the rule of King George III since 1776." The back would have a 'roid-raging George Washington punching a Redcoat. Although the shirt is a joke, from the first day I've arrived in Kazakhstan, I've felt like I have been waging my own personal battle for my independence and sanity. This week I feel like I have finally won that battle. For the first time since last August, I can say that I am comfortable with my level of independence.

Then my host family asked me to stay for another 6 months, and I agreed.

Yes, I willingly decided to double my time with my host family. I realize this may not make any sense. Usually at the first opportunity many volunteers move out. It's understandable. Many of the Peace Corps volunteers I have met here are mentally tough, independent people who can take care of themselves and chafe at anyone attempting to take care of them. For many pcvs, well, many Americans, (and myself included), independence is measured by being able to do whatever one wants, whenever one wants to, in the manner of their choosing. With a host family, that sort of independence can be hard to find. Usually, this sort of independence can only be achieved by moving out.

Perhaps I've lucked out, but I have achieved that sort of independence with my host family. I cook what I want. I leave and arrive when I want. I load my own laundry and hang it out to dry (but my host sister pushes the buttons. I don't understand the washing machine).

Together, we have set boundaries. This has come from trial and error, a little bit of screaming from everyone, some cultural exchanges, but most importantly a lot of communicating and listening. Together we have learned that both Russian and American cultures highly value respect, kindness, family, and doing what is right. We have different ways of expressing those things, but the basic ideals are there. Once I and my host family realized that we have this commonality, living got a lot easier.

They know that although I am young, I've lived on my own (defined by not sleeping in my parents house) since I was 18. They know that I've done my own laundry since I was 12 (and I know how to hand wash!), and I can cook a variety of dishes that are good. My mom taught me well. They also know that they do not have to watch me; that they are not my babysitters, and I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.

I now know that the reason why they ask the "10,000 questions" such as: if I've eaten (at least 4 times every day), if I'm cold, where I'm going, what I'm doing, how long I'll be there, who I'll be going with, how I'm getting there, how I'm getting back, picking at my shoes and hair, putting the extra monti on my plate when I am full, and my personal favorite "oh god it's cold outside wear a coat" when it is sunny and 60. They ask not because they think that I can't take care of myself. It is simply because they care about me.

I decided to stay for 6 more months not because Peace Corps said I must, but because I genuinely like them. I have learned that the feeling is mutual. So for now, my host family and I are happy co-existing and will be doing so hopefully for another 6 months.