Gut Check: What’s my motivation?

Between my freshman and sophomore years in college, I took a summer job as a sanitation cleaner at a major meat company. For the summer, the pay was great, the hours were awesome, and I grew to like using a fire hose and dangerous chemicals to clean off big machines that would take logs of ham the size of my leg and hack them into thin slice lunchmeat. Or my leg, if I wasn't careful.

Every night, before we started to work, I had a ritual with one of my co-workers, Sam. He would grab my shoulder and ask, "Kyle, what's our motivation?" I'd grab his shoulder in return, and say, "To make our pockets super phat". Part inside joke. 100% truth.

Although I left Oscar Meyer a long time ago, (and I refuse to eat their meat) I still find myself asking Sam's question at various points of my life, particularly when things aren't going well. Since I've been in Peace Corps, the short answer to the "What's my motivation question" is to help NGOs, learn about a new culture, and gain professional and personal experience. Its a bit more complicated than this, but that is the basic idea.

When things were at their worst, somewhere between midnight and dawn on Tuesday, I asked myself the usual question, and I didn't have an answer. I freaked out.

This has happened before, and will probably happen again. I've found that I go through cycles of feeling good and bad, and these feelings can switch pretty fast. It's part of the bumps and bruises of being in Peace Corps in Kazakhstan. Some days I rock Kazakhstan. Some days Kazakhstan rocks me

After I got a hold of myself, I took stock of things. Why was I feeling this way? Could it be burnout? My primary organization, the Local Community Foundation, works about 40-50 hours a week. I'm not talking about sitting around for 5 hours drinking tea and then working for 3 hours (although we did this one week), but 8-10 hours a day of real work such as typing documents, writing and reviewing grants, assisting other NGOs in the region, and stuff like this. Working 50 hours isn't a problem, but I get tired faster than I normally would in a work environment where I'm communicating and writing in two and sometimes three languages .

Events that happen in America also have an effect on me. It seems silly because I am so far away. Is it worth expressing dismay about situations that I can't control, or is it better to not worry about it, shrug it off and continue on? I still don't know the answer to this one. However, I do know that I'm only as strong as my base, and when the base is rattled I shake too.

There is also the future. I have started to think about my life after Peace Corps. However, this is an awkward time. With under 200 days remaining before I'm finished, I can see the end, but it's far enough that it is too early to start applying for jobs. And I don't know what exactly I want to do! As Yoda said, "Always in motion is the future."

So with my head full of work, worrying about loved ones in America, and worrying about my future, I didn't sleep, and watched the sun rise. I then trudged to work.

Besides babushkas, the only people in Kazakhstan who can take one look at me and know that something is wrong are my former counterpart and my current director. Babushkas, in addition to being always correct, also have mind reading powers. My director saw me first thing when I went to work. She asked me what was wrong, and we had a heart to heart.

I learned that I wasn't the only one that was feeling down and having a tough week. My director is also exhausted. The working hours also take a toll on her. In addition, the members of my organization have gone without pay for 2 months. They will get paid next month, when they receive another grant. (If they could operate without grant money, this would never happen. We think we've figured out a way to make this a reality. I'll write more about this later.) She looks for a new accountant, but nobody wants the job because they pay the minimum salary. We lost our grant manager. Nobody knows what an NGO is. Times are tough. Her back hurts. Then we sat together for awhile and wallowed in our respective miseries. Then my director said this:

"I could quit. I could go home. I could be a principal again. But that is easy. Other people do easy things. We do not. We have an open perspective. And I need to see with my eyes what will be our end result."

That resonated with me on so many levels, and was the answer to a great many questions and immediate problems at work, Peace Corps, and in my life. My director is a wise woman.

After that, she sent me home because I looked like a "zombie". She took Wednesday and Thursday off for rest, her first days off in over a year, according to our project manager. For me, the week got a bit better: on Wednesday, I finally figured out the post office. I'll write more about how this happened later. On Thursday, I went to nearby town to see a leadership seminar for youth that was done by some fellow volunteers. They did an awesome job. And Friday was a normal day in the office, and we even got out early! I'm looking forward to sleeping, cooking, and reading some old school James Bond thrillers and recharge myself to do it all again next Monday.

So while it was a very tough and draining mental week for me and everyone at the Local Community Foundation, we somehow got through it.

Like we always do.

“April Showers brings what?”

Life has slowed down significantly since I arrived back in Ecik. After the whirlwinds of Shymkent, Almaty, and Peace Corps seminars, adapting to life in Ecik again was a little bit disorienting. My counterpart and director were happy to see me after almost 3 weeks. In my absence, they have been extremely productive, collaborating with a local youth organization to start a summer camp, beginning the application for a new volunteer, and preparing to go to a personalized seminar on fundraising techniques in Ukraine. I'm really happy for their successes.

The only thing of interest this week is the weather. Since Sunday, it has rained or snowed every day in Ecik. Going multiple days without seeing the sun has made me miserable. With it expected to rain all the way through next Monday, I'm also facing a clothes drying crisis. After three weeks on the road, all of my clothes are dirty, and the highlight of my weekend was going to be washing all of them. That'll be the easy part, but I air dry my clothes, and rainy weather isn't good for that. I'm sure they exist somewhere, but I have yet to see a dryer in this country.

I don't think that the popular American phrase "April showers brings May flowers" doesn't translate properly into Russian. Or if it does, I'm not saying it correctly. I spent over 10 minutes trying to explain the phrase to my organization the other day, and failed.

With no other interesting developments in my life or work worth mentioning this week, I wanted to pass along a couple of links that are way more useful:

1. My pal Michael's blog. Recently he had a friend visit him in Kazakhstan from America, and his friend is currently guest blogging about the things they did while he was here. It's a good read. Kazakhstan is a very unique and interesting country, and it has been a point of frustration to me that no amount of pictures or stories can fully explain what this country is about. The only way to really understand what it's like to bathe in a banya, sit on a train for over 2 days straight and eat beshbarmak until you burst is to visit and actually do those things. If coming to Kazakhstan is out of the question for you, then reading his account may be the next best thing.
   

   
   

2. My friend Erica's post on the Peace Corps application process. About once a month I receive a question from a friend or acquaintance back home asking about the Peace Corps. Her description and tips about getting through it are pretty much right on, and I don't think I could describe the long Peace Corps application process better than her. For anyone considering the Peace Corps, or people who are curious about what it takes to join, I'd recommend to take a look.

Project Design Management Seminar

This week, I helped organize and lead a 3 day seminar on Project Design Management (PDM). This training was designed to teach people about how to plan a project. All of the Kaz 21s, the newest Peace Corps volunteers, from two oblasts (oblasts = states) attended, along with their Kazakhstan counterparts. My Regional Manager ran the Russian side of the seminar, and a volunteer leader and I handled the English equivalent. I had a great time, and was happy to be a guide to the volunteers and their counterparts by helping them to realize and formulate their project goals. And, it was great to spend a week in Taldykorgan, my favorite city in Kazakhstan.

If done correctly, PDM helps volunteers and their counterparts to create a logical plan to organize and implement a project and avoid confusion like the sport of Calvinball

While the concepts of PDM were easily grasped by the volunteers, the seminar had other hidden benefits. First, the seminar was a great chance for volunteers and their counterparts to get to know each other better and to improve their personal and business relationships. Relationships are very important in Kazakhstan, and especially when it comes to implementing projects. I've seen volunteers fail with projects, not because their ideas weren't good, and not because they didn't learn Russian and Kazakh, but just because they didn't spend time building that personal rapport with their coworkers. It's amazing how much closer you can get to a person after 3 days of working on a singular project, even if you do not speak the same language very well.

Second, the seminar was powerful networking tool. It gave leaders of NGOs and school teachers as well as the volunteers the chance to see what other people in their fields are doing. Teachers from Zharkent swapped English games with teachers from Ust Kamegorsk. NGO directors in Taldykorgan learned about projects in nearby Tekeli. Even if nobody learned a thing from the sessions, the chance to network made PDM worth it to all who attended.

Themes that we worked on during the sessions.

At the end of the seminar, each volunteer with their counterparts had to present on the projects they worked on. All of them had great ideas, such as:

• Starting a youth baseball league
• Organizing a volleyball camp
• Creating a resource center for English Teachers
• Advocating for the installation of disabled ramps to public buildings
• Saving an orchard that has rare apples found only in Kazakhstan
  
• Organizing a Frisbee camp
• Summer camps to teach youth about new cultures and practice English
  

Behold the future of philanthopy in Kazakhstan! The woman on the right owns a buisness, but donates a portion of her profits to ecological issues in her area. She doesn't have a volunteer, so I worked with her a lot during the sessions. She wants to find a way to maintain the apple orchards in her area which produce a rare type of apple only found in Kazakhstan.

All in all, it was a great seminar, and I had a great time.

When I fought Satan

I love dogs. They are nice and cuddly, loyal friends and I never get tired of watching dogs chase things. However, since I've arrived in Kazakhstan, I've had the problem of dogs trying to eat me for lunch. Many volunteers in Kazakhstan at one point or another has some sort of alteration with a snarling angry dog. After comparing notes with friends, I believe that I have more dog problems than the average volunteer. This is something that I don't understand. I love dogs (and cats too), but I've never had problems with dogs until now.

The first couple of months were the worst. Dogs would chase me down the street, bark at me for no reason, or start snarling even before I was in their line of sight. Because of my problems, I started carrying a "doggie rock": a rock that fit in my palm well, but dense enough to cause some damage if it hit a maruading canine (Yes, this was my exact thought when I found this rock).

My doggie rock actually saved my life. On my first night in Karabulak, I slammed the rock on a dog's head. It’s not like I did this for fun. It tried to sneak attack me while I was doing my business in an outhouse. It lived, but I think I gave it brain damage because it didn't walk in a straight line after that and was a bit crosseyed. My host was really puzzled about the dog's actions, but just chalked it up to someone else throwing a rock at the dog. I never told her it was me.

When it comes to pitching rocks, I don’t have an arm like Randy Johnson, but I’m getting more accurate. And just to be clear, I don’t like throwing rocks at dogs. But I don't want to become lunch.

Aurora and Capt. Jack with my brother and I. These puppies are so cute, and actual proof that I love dogs! Perhaps when they are older I'll throw marshmellows at them, but never rocks. But on the other hand they wouldn't try to eat my soul.

After training, my relationship with canines in Kazakhstan got slightly better. My host family in Karabulak had a dog called “Omega”. I taught him how to play fetch, and he was really well behaved, although he would steal my shoes and bury them behind the banya.

However, Omega was a rebel, and he eventually ran away to join the “dog fleet”: a mass of 20 wildish (or unchained dogs) that would go rampaging around the town at dusk eating chickens, other dogs, and anything else they could find. I saw Omega one day a couple months later, eating garbage. Although we had a good rapport when he was at my host families house, I steered clear of him after that.

When I moved to Esik, I decided to take another strategy regarding dogs. For the first time, I was going to be nicer to them and not go flinging rocks every time one of them looked at me like I could be lunch. Esik doesn’t have a dog fleet, although there are 3-4 dogs that hang around my apartment. While they don’t belong to anyone, they have never barked at me or gave me any trouble, although I wouldn’t pet them. I did throw chicken scraps at them every once in awhile, to keep to the peace. The arrangement worked quite well.

Then Satan showed up.

Satan is a small black mutt with Death Star laser beams for eyes, a permanent scowl of a mouth, and can probably consume your soul faster than I can eat a fun pack of jellybeans. On a Friday I came home to find Satan camped out in front of my apartment door, snarling at me. I brandished my "doggie rock", and he backed off enough that I could sneak inside my door. Satan growled at my door for about another half an hour. The good news: I was safe. The bad news? I was under siege by an evil soul gnawer. It paced outside of my door for awhile, and eventually lay down on my doormat. With a good steel door between me and doom, I didn’t think much of the dog until the next day, when I opened my food cabinet and realized that with the exception of two eggs, the Ramen package was the last of my food.

Satan. I took this picture by opening the door a crack and blindly snapping a photo while praying that Satan wouldn't wedge open the door, fly inside, and feast on my soul. I also took this picture so that if Satan ate me, people would know the truth.

This particular week, I worked more than 50 hours at the Local Community Foundation creating their first annual report, so I didn’t have any time to go shopping. I was planning on doing this on Saturday. I made a dinner of Ramen noodles (my last package), and went to bed. When I woke up the next day, Satan was still there. And still very angry.

For the next 20 hours, Satan laid siege to my door. I couldn’t leave. Every time I opened the door, Satan was there, baring teeth. I wanted to go to the store, but with a snarling dog at my doorstep, I really couldn't go anywhere. I ran out of food at lunch. Satan stayed.

Closer to dinner time, I heard my neighbors. They were returning home. Then there was some growling, a couple of swear words in Russian, and when I looked out again, Satan was gone. After over 20 hours of being locked in my apartment I was saved.

Southern Exposure

The Kazakh New Year, called Naruyz, was celebrated this year on March 22-24^th. Combined with the weekend, everyone in Kazakhstan got a whopping 5 day holiday weekend. I spent my 5 days doing what I called my “southern tour”: traveling to Southern Kazakhstan, and specifically the city of Shymkent.

Shymkent is about 13 hours or about 700ish kilometers, to the southwest from Almaty, and was easily reached by a “sleeper bus” that left Almaty in the early evening and arrived in Shymkent at dawn the next day. I had images that the sleeper bus would be like the “knight bus” in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, but I was deceived and sorely disappointed. However, getting there was almost as fun because I traveled with several other cool volunteers.

We arrived in Shymkent in the early morning. I was very impressed with the city. Word on the street is that it is the third most populated city in the country, although it gives off a small town vibe. Shymkent was more compact than I imagined, but very green because everything was already in bloom. Almaty and Esik are big mud pits, and winter still rages in the northern regions but Shymkent had grass, flowers, and it looked and felt like what Spring was supposed to be like.

However, I believe that all of the nice weather comes at a price. If the weather was already averaging 70 degrees already, I’m will to bet that summers there must be literally hot as hell. This just reinforces my belief that there is no perfect spot in Kazakhstan when it comes to weather: it’s always either too cold in the winter, or too hot in the summer. I know what I will do if I have a bad day in August: I’ll call a volunteer in Shymkent and ask them about the weather!

But all in all, I like Shymkent. It has amazing and cheap places to eat (if you are smart), doesn’t get too cold (but gets really hot in the summer), and people are very nice. My Russian skills were welcomed, and I even got the chance to work on my Kazakh language skills. I even had a babushka help me cross the street . Cars don’t really stop for pedestrians in Shymkent. Instead, they slow down. But, they will stop for babushkas, because in addition to babushkas be always right, they also always have the right of way. If you want to learn a bit more about the Shymkent and South Kazakhstan, go here.

While the food, warm weather, and getting to know new people better was great, I was disappointed for two reasons. First, I didn’t get to see a lot of my friend Becca.

Second, I did not get to see the very popular Kazakh sport called kokpar. Basically, kokpar is the Central Asian equivalent of polo, except about 10,000 times more badass. Check this: Kokpar is so awesome the “ball” is a whole goat carcass. The goal of the game: throw the goat carcass into your goal while riding on horseback. There is usually a kokpar game during Naruyz in Shymkent, but for some reason it was cancelled this year. Going to a kokpar game is one of my top cultural priorities in my remaining time in Kazakhstan, and I’m considering going back to Shymkent just to see a game.

Shymkent wasn’t the only place I went to on my southern tour. I also spent a couple of hours in Turkestan, a large town about 2 hours to the northwest of Shymkent. The one thing that stands out about Turkestan is that it contains the oldest mosque in Kazakhstan. Depending on your belief system, if you make a pilgrimage to Turkestan 3 times, it equals the same as a trip to Mecca.

I could drop some knowledge about this place, but I’ll just give you a website link instead, so you can learn more if you want:

Here are some pictures:

One awesome thing about the mosque is that there is a huge defensive wall around it. This picture is taken from atop the wall.

A picture with a fellow volunteer and some schoolchildren who came to Turkestan on a field trip.

According to a tour guide that befriended me and gave me a free tour, the whole mosque is covered in writing. While this may look like lines and "reverse swastikas", they actually say, "God is Great and Muhammad is the Prophet". Scientists and mathematicians are still unsure about the tiles and colors on this dome were created. This dome is the largest in all of Central Asia

I'm smiling because I'm 33% holier than you.